Growing Up with Capacity Expert RaQuel Hopkins

Every once in a while I listen to a podcast or read something and think, everyone needs to hear this, regardless of role, position, gender, work status. This week was one of those times.

Adam Grant is an Organizational Psychologist with a podcast called Work Life. I’ve been a big fan of Adam’s since his first book Originals. His recent interview is with RaQuel Hopkins, therapist and HR professional who has recently taken social media by storm with her message of growing capacity.

In this episode, RaQuel and Adam turn mental health upside down as RaQuel provides a framework of growing our capacity to become generative, navigate hard conversations and growing responsibilities, and move through pain towards freedom.

RaQuel’s direct, no-nonsense discourse was a breath of fresh air in a space often danced around with indirect delicacy.

“And the two distinctions that I make, it's coping versus capacity. Most people today we teach people how to cope. And what I'm seeing is it's not enough anymore with the modern day demands that are presented. So we do need to rely more on this capacity framework, getting back to a place of developing people versus just giving them tools…how do I help you become a better person as you navigate difficult conversations, relationships, new roles, new titles, new positions. And I think that's what people think. Because when you hear the word mental health, what people hear is almost like this icky word or this thing that you have to tiptoe around. And if mental health becomes this delicate thing, almost like glass, right? It's like, all right, it is about comfort, right? But no, that glass may get shattered at times to where you feel like your world is on fire.”

And it does, in fact, feel a bit like the world is on fire. I don’t want to turn away form pain or difficulties, mine or anyone else’s. I want to grow in my capacity to face life full on.

One of my favorite Buddhist writers, Pema Chodron, says it this way:

“To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest. To live fully is to be always in no-man's-land, to experience each moment as completely new and fresh. To live is to be willing to die over and over again.”

“We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It's just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.”

I invite you to take a listen and find a friend or colleague to talk this through with. These are not just intellectual ideas but concepts that have to be practiced and embodied.

We can heal, we can experience greater freedom from our stuck places, we can grow in our capacity to both enjoy life and navigate its hard spots. A leader will only be as transformational as their ability and capacity to transform themselves.